Still Here

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately.

There's a ton going on that I can't wait to let you in on.

I know I am keeping you in suspense with the details, but let's just say that we have a lot of transitions on the horizon that are taking up a great deal of time.

I promise to get back to regular updates in the next few days!

The boys are doing well and handling our changes better than I am :)

I Know It's Late, But...

Had to share the chunkies...



That's a whole lotta lovin :)

ABC's of Me :)

A. Age: 33

B. Bed Size: king

C. Chore you Dislike: DISHES!

D. Dogs: No thanks!

E. Essential to Start the Day: Hmmmm, prayer...

F. Favorite Color: pink

G. Gold or Silver: silver

H. Height: 5'7.5"

I. Instruments you Play(ed): clarinet

J. Job Title: executive director

K. Kids: 4 year old J and 5 monyh old B

L. Live: Florida

M. Mom's name: Cynthia

N. Nicknames: Nik

O. Overnight hospital stays: a few here and there

P. Pet peeves: crunching ice

Q. Quote from a movie:

R. Righty or Lefty: righty

S. Siblings: a brother, TG

T. Time you wake up: 7:45am

U. Underwear: as long as they are comfy, I don't care...

W. What makes you run late: anything...I am usually late

X. Xrays you've had: ankle, tailbone, uterus (HSG), dental, knee, etc

Y. Yummy food you make: strawberry cake, shrimp pasta

Z. Zoo animal you love: none...don't like the zoo

Mommy of Brown Boys

No words needed...Well, maybe one...Justice...that is all!

This Ish Isn't For Me

That was the line I was awakened with at 3am. And it was comical! B, you and dad have been having sleepovers together for the past two nights so mom can get a good night's rest in the guest room. You are still at the point where you are waking up every three hours to eat, and sometimes that's every two hours depending on your moods. So um, yeah, you have been hanging out with dad at night. The first night, you guys did great and after a mom rescue feeding around midnight and suctioning to your nose, I slept until 7am. Well, last night, between your waking up every two hours to eat and J sleepwalking and waking dad up three times before 3am, dad decided he had enough. So in you came at 3am smiling with all your gums out as dad handed you over to me with his proclimation that "this *$(% isn't for me." Why what do you mean big J? This is what happens EVERY night and you can't make it TWO nights? Come on man (quoting Sunday Night Countdown)...Welp, since I had been sleeping peacefully for four hours at that point, I gladly took you for a feeding and some snuggle time before we both went to sleep until 7am. But yeah, dad, this is what happens at night when you usually sleep through it.

Baby B--1; Dad--ZERO!!!!

Rules of Reality

If you've seen the news lately, you have no doubt heard of the case of a little black boy who was gunned down by a "neighborhood watch" leader for no reason at all other than a perception of suspicion. If that weren't enough, the man who gunned down the little boy has not even been arrested. Where's the value in human life? Where's the justice for that little boy and his family? Police are saying that there isn't enough evidence to arrest the man, but after hearing the 911 tapes that have surfaced and the accounts of the witnesses, I have to question that. My heart goes out to the family of Trayvon Martin, who by all accounts was a good kid...and who definitely didn't deserve to die in that manner.

This case has brought to light some of the harsh realities of parenting black boys. Of of my mentors who is an amazing example of a wife and mother penned a post that says it better than I could. Here's an excerpt:

I mean......does anyone care about Trayvon Martin? Or about what it means to any African American parent when horrors such as this one occur????? As I reflect on how many times I have to tell my African American son to take his hoodie off lest someone white "get scared" or "think the wrong thing"???? Tired of this shit! Tired of always having to take the offensive every damn day.......every time there's a burglary or crime in my neighborhood, folks looking at my son and my husband as if they may be the one! This is the problem! And got the same shit in all the gated communities we've lived in too....all over the country! How am I supposed to believe in this society and trust that all is OK when my African American son could be next on the list. This is deep folks. It really is. The mindset out there from the majority of folks is terrifying. I feel like I'm living in the 50's - having to issue warnings to my children every damn day - don't go here, don't wear this, take the hood off.................even though their white counterparts don't have to understand these same codes. They're free to be kids! Had to get on my son for essentially walking through a store with his hands in his pockets. Mind you, he was doing nothing wrong, and he seems to just feel comfortable with hands in pocket......but I am looking at what THEY might think when they see the hands in pockets. A thief? A gun? Every damn day!!!! Just like I must prove that I'm really in Nordstrom to shop and truly purchase something....not lift it!!!!!!!! WTF! It breaks my heart every day when I realize just how it is, and ain't never changed. Black folks, please teach your kids. They need to know how treacherous some of these folks can be! They need to understand what they must face, what they must to do survive, even if it isn't fair. LIke, maybe they can't walk to the convenience store, maybe they can't go out to buy some Skittles and ides tea like Trayvon Martin, not like white kids can !!!!!! Sorry for the rant, but I am really reeling and, I suspect, most of Black America is too....unless we're too caught up in watching stupid ass reality shows or Basketball games to care or even know what time it is!!!!!!!!!

Very harsh reality right now to face as the mommy of two brown boys. In our age where they now see a black president and hopefully understand that they can achieve all of their dreams, I just pray that they grow up with a more tolerant society that believes in them as much as we do...

Lord help us!

The Mommy Paradox

We want to hold on, but we want to let go. We want to see the next milestone, but we want time to stand still. We want to soothe you, but we want you to learn to be independent. We want to protect you from all hurt, but we want you to learn from life's difficulties. We want to keep you by our sides forever, but we want you to grow wings and fly.

Just a few things sticking out in my head this morning as I think about my boys. B is becoming such a little man right before my eyes, yet it still seems like he should be a little newborn. It is amazing how many changes babies go through during the first year. I posted B's 5 months update a few days ago (scroll down), but yeah, he's just amazing. I look at him and I just can't put into words what I feel. I guess I could go on and on with the oxymorons that seem to apply, but yeah, it's bitter sweet to see him continuing to grow and thrive. Of course, I am overjoyed with each new discovery or development and I think with excitement about the day when he figures out how to crawl, walk and say mamma. (BTW, he's babbling da-da now first...boo, LOL). But B, can you just snuggle with mom a little longer please? Your big brother is far too independent to do so and yeah, the coolness of mom gets replaced quickly by the "boys" hanging together with dad. And um, so yep, they even have their own little special sign that they do that I can't be a part of. Woe is me :)

***Moving on***

It's another Monday around these parts and I am tired! We had a great weekend in Miami with the family and B got to put his toes in the swimming pool for the first time. It was a little chilly, so he didn't get to fully enjoy, but J--ie the fish, certainly got his fill of swimming. In addition, we got to hang out on South Beach and took in a Miami Heat game. How awesome to see J chanting and cheering with all the fans. He had a ball! Alas, back to reality today...

Pictures to come soon!

Heart Disease Awareness

You know how sometimes you become the poster child for something without really wanting to do it? And yeah, you join a club that you never thought you would be in yet you find yourself in the midst of what you feel is madness? Well, I guess that sums up how I feel about heart disease and awareness of heart issues.

If you've read my blog the past few days, you know by now that two years ago my father suddenly passed away. My dad was a picture of health, or so we thought. He ate well for the most part and worked out every day of the week. He was active and very much vibrant and just all around amazing! So in the grips of grief in dealing with his death, the questions came. How could he die from a massive heart attack? It just didn't (and still doesn't) make any sense to us.

So now, there are several campaigns going on that seek to raise awareness of heart disease. And as we now know all too well, family heredity is something that is a high, high risk factor. My Pawpaw (dad's father) died of congestive heart failure and after the fact, we have learned that two of my dad's other brothers are suffering from heart issues. TALK TO YOUR FAMILY PEOPLE!!!!

My amazing brother was featured on a news story yesterday in a series of heart disease awareness.

See the new story HERE

And check yourself and your family for the risk factors. We will have to keep a close eye on ourselves and our boys and remain committed to breaking the cycle of this ugly disease in our family!

I Am...

I am… anxious about some changes.

I know… we are doing the right thing.

I want… to talk to my dad's voice to hear his advice.

I wish… there was an end to the violence in the world.

I fear… not being around to see my boys grow up.

I feel… super tired (B, please sleep all night tonight:)

I smell… probably most like spit up right now...

I hear… angry birds...

I wonder… if we will have more children

I believe… in a higher power

I sing… when I am cleaning up

I cried last… night probably...Today marks two years since my dad died.

I can usually be found… on my laptop, ipad or cell phone.

I am happy… when I am with my family and friends.




What are {you} today?

Daddy....

It's been two years since I last heard your voice...unimaginable pain, strength I didn't know existed and love and support from near and far. I long for you every day. My heart continues to ache and the tears still flow as we carry on your legacy. Daddy, missing you today and every day!


"Dance With My Father"

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

Five Months!

Baby B, you are five months old today! Though it seems like you were born just yesterday, at the same time, it seems like you've been here forever. Well, you are definitely not a newborn anymore. You are a full on little person with your own desires, likes and dislikes. I love that you aren't ashamed to let us know it too :). Let's see what are you up to at five months?

-You are probably right around 20 pounds now if I had to guess...Yep, you aren't missing any meals :).

-Speaking of meals, you are now eating one meal by spoon per day. You have organic brown rice cereal or organic brown rice cereal with apples. Just two days ago you started having organic squash. Mom finally broke out the baby bullet that Ranise got us and made some squash for you. While it's not your favorite, you're getting used to eating and seem to enjoy the process. We are sticking with the squash for a few more days, then we will go to sweet potatoes which I have a feeling you'll like much better.

-You are mostly wearing 6 months clothes. You can still fit into some 3 month outfits and have some 9 month that fit as well. You are in a size 3 diaper and a size 2 shoe.

-You LOVE making noises and discovering your voice. You were giving us "raspberries" all the time, but now, you love to squeal at the top of your lungs...and boy can you fuss when you feel like it! It's super cute (for now...)

-You are still waking up twice a night to eat (enough already, LOL). You usually go down around 9:30 or 10pm, wake up at 2am and 5am and then are up for the day at 7am. The good part is that you eat and go right back to sleep (not sure you even really wake up). The bad part, well, not really bad cause I like that time with you, but um yeah, we are tired over here baby boy! Looking forward to your sleeping in longer stretches...

-And um, yeah, your newest craze (TMI here) is pooping in the bathtub. I mean, really, is the tub THAT comfortable to you? LOL. Seems like that's just your "spot" and well, yeah, you just let it go...EEEKKK!

-Still no teeth in site, but you are a drooling machine, so I am thinking we'll feel something soon...no rush though.

-You can just about sit up on your own. When we prop you up like a tripod, you will stay there for a few seconds and eventually tilt over. You are definitely getting stronger though!

-You like spending time in your exersaucer and discovering the toys. Your legs are getting strong as while you are playing, you get excited and your little legs look like they are standing up!

I think that's it for now...you are a joy to have around and your smiles light up the room. You are a true charmer and love being fussed over. Here's to another great month!

I will update later with pics after your "photo shoot"

I Know, I Know

I had just gotten the hang of this blogging thing and actually took the time to write (ie my therapy) and post regularly and now, well, let's just say for a number of reasons, it has to take a back seat...but PLEASE, hang in there with me.

Until then, I want to share this AWESOME article with you about my dad. He's being honored by a local business magazine and being inducted into their Hall of Fame later this month. We miss him terribly and I couldn't be more proud!!!

Check it out HERE ...

Back to Black

Sorry for the lack of updates these past few days...Lots going on in our part of the world. But I am doing fine and the boys are great. B is LOVING rolling over (from tummy to back only right now) and doing raspberries (all over the place). And J is becoming a writing expert now. Yay! So I will fade to black for a little bit to get the rest of my work done. We will be back to our regularly scheduled blog programming soon.

It's Raining Hair

And I am not singing halleliugh about it!

Now, don't get me wrong, my hair is the longest and the thickest it's been in a while. I attribute that to the preggo hormones, but also to the fact that I no longer get relaxers. #teamnatural

When B turned three months old, I thought I had escaped the dreaded postpartum hair shedding. As I was doing a little celebratory dance (I should know better by now), the hair starting falling out before my eyes. Cue the tears. For a few weeks, hair was EVERYWHERE dot com! All over the bathrooom floor, my pillow, the back of my shirts. The long strands were leaving a trail behind me every time I walked! Now, I understand the science behind this as your hair rarely sheds during pregnancy, yada, yada, yada...but to see this ish is something all the way different. I drew the line in the sand when I found hair in B's mouth and wrapped around his fingers (and yes, him pulling my hair out was probably the cause of that one, but you get where I am going here).

So I am back on the herbal supplements and vitamins in hopes to hold on to a few of my leftover strands. This is all temporary, right?

My friend over at Curly Hue and RedStick Naturals, what helped you and your readers with this?

I need advice...

9 Months On...4 Months Off

So I can say that in just a little over four months, I am back to my pre-baby size.

Here's a quick view...



So I was ecstatic to be able to put on my "skinny" jeans last week and frankly, I was shocked when they fit. I was expecting to have to leave them unbuttoned and feel stuffed all day, but I was willing to do so to be cute, LOL. But I slipped them right on and buttoned them without a problem. Now, my body, though the same size is very different in composition and that flat belly I used to show off doesn't boast the abs of steel anymore.

But...here's the flip side...I still have about 15 to 20 pounds to go to be at my most comfortable weight. When my dad passed away in March of 2010, I battled with depression and just utter sadness and packed on some pounds. Before I found out B was on the way, I was on a serious mission to loose weight and had been working out and pushing myself like crazy. Once we realized B was on board, I was advised by the doc to back down on the working out and really just didn't feel well enough to continue, so I gladly stopped. Well, now, I need to get back to it.

I have been doing pilates here, which I LOVE and I can already see a difference in my body and muscle tone, so that's working. Now, I just need to up my cardio and I think I will be fine to continue to see the scale go down. Now that I have put it out there in the blog world, let's hope you hold me accountable and I stay motivated. I plan to update weekly with my weigh in's (though I haven't decided if I will be bold enough to share the numbers just yet, LOL).