Heart Disease Awareness

You know how sometimes you become the poster child for something without really wanting to do it? And yeah, you join a club that you never thought you would be in yet you find yourself in the midst of what you feel is madness? Well, I guess that sums up how I feel about heart disease and awareness of heart issues.

If you've read my blog the past few days, you know by now that two years ago my father suddenly passed away. My dad was a picture of health, or so we thought. He ate well for the most part and worked out every day of the week. He was active and very much vibrant and just all around amazing! So in the grips of grief in dealing with his death, the questions came. How could he die from a massive heart attack? It just didn't (and still doesn't) make any sense to us.

So now, there are several campaigns going on that seek to raise awareness of heart disease. And as we now know all too well, family heredity is something that is a high, high risk factor. My Pawpaw (dad's father) died of congestive heart failure and after the fact, we have learned that two of my dad's other brothers are suffering from heart issues. TALK TO YOUR FAMILY PEOPLE!!!!

My amazing brother was featured on a news story yesterday in a series of heart disease awareness.

See the new story HERE

And check yourself and your family for the risk factors. We will have to keep a close eye on ourselves and our boys and remain committed to breaking the cycle of this ugly disease in our family!

Daddy....

It's been two years since I last heard your voice...unimaginable pain, strength I didn't know existed and love and support from near and far. I long for you every day. My heart continues to ache and the tears still flow as we carry on your legacy. Daddy, missing you today and every day!


"Dance With My Father"

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

The Circle of Life

Today I am reminded about how fragile life is and how sometimes it just doesn't make any sense. I have talked before about loosing my father almost two years ago and some days I still can't come to grips with that. Then yesterday, one of my best friends suddenly lost her dad too. Just like that, life is changed for her forever and it will never be the same. My heart aches for her, but more than that, it aches for her two young daughters. Some days, the hardest part of loosing my dad is that J misses his Pawpaw and that B will never know him. That rips my heart out. And then I just know that my dad would love nothing more than to sit in his recliner and talk to B for hours on end. Yep, B would be spoiled by him beyond measure. But alas, he was cheated of that opportunity and it sucks. I know all the "PC" things that my dad is here with us, he's watching over us and all that, but it's not the same and it doesn't make me feel better. Just like for my friend...there's no words that can ease what she's going through and nothing that makes it okay. I know that all too well. So that can leave you asking what's the point of it all. And really, all we can do is live the best that we can and love each other to the fullest. My dad and her dad were among the best men around. I was blessed to have my dad and blessed to have her dad in my life as well. I just wish we had more time...especially more time for our children to know and cherish these men as much as we do!

Here's the article about her dad

And a quick google search of my dad only gives you a glimpse of the great man he was. (SN: he is the "Jr." my brother is the other great man in some of the articles)

Man, my heart is sick right now :(

Saying Hello...and Goodbye

Well, the final preps are underway for our trip back home for the holidays. We are looking forward to a little time away from the 80 degree temps and sunny weather (okay, just kidding about that part). But seriously, it'll be nice to be in a familiar land with familiar people that we love and cherish. Sometimes it's so darn hard to be far away! Anyhow, I am thankful that big J managed to get a few days from work to join us for a little bit. The little guys and I will have an extended stay and look forward to spending the time eating (a lot) and visiting with family and friends.

I wrote in my last post that my Mawmaw passed away. I still don't know how to come to grips with this as it's like I have lost another tangible connection to my dad. They had the same eyes and I was looking forward to looking into her eyes this holiday and seeing the piece of my dad that shared so much with me and radiated so much love. But that's not to be. I wanted to see the smile on her face as she kissed J on the forehead and held B in her arms, but I guess our reunion will happen in another time and space. I hope she is rejoicing and has my dad in her love and embrace. This sucks. And what I have learned through all this more than anything is that life goes on...people come, people go...material things fade, but the world keeps spinning and we have to as well.



Since we will be away from the house for the actual "big day," Santa visited 2999 last night. He happened to come while J was taking a bath. To see the shock and excitement on his face when he came out was what life is all about. We didn't go overboard this year, but J loved every minute! He even opened gifts for his little brother and tried to explain them to him. B was more concerned with eating and getting off to bed this year :)...How that will change in a few years, LOL. So the spirit of the holidays definitely warmed our hearts through the eyes of our children.


So I am off to finish packing. Drop me a line and let me know if you'll be in town for the holidays. We'd love to see yall.


I'll leave you with our Christmas blessing...from my two special gifts :)

Happy Christmas everyone!

Double Digits

Baby boy, you are ten weeks old today! Wow...Looking back at some of the pictures (which seems like they were taken just yesterday), I have realized how you have changed so much. You are so much fun and we love talking to you and snuggling with you.

We have been super busy the past few days. Our bowl game went well last night and it was good for me to see my coworkers and friends. Of course, everyone was excited to see J and meet B...So after a few days in the hotel enjoying bowl week activities and spreading some Christmas cheer, we are back home. We'll have about a day to unpack, wash and repack before we head out of town for the holidays and I, for one, can't wait.

The holidays will be a little sad this year. I am trying to think of it positively by saying that I have gained another angel, but it's tough. Yesterday morning, my mawmaw passed away. She was hospitalized a brief time before she died. My dad's mom was awesome and always reminded me to appreciate the simple things in life. My heart is heavy that though she saw pictures of Baby B, she will never get to meet him or hold him. I am somewhat comforted by the fact that my daddy now has both of his parents with him in heaven and I pray that their spirits are all rejoicing together. But yeah, this sucks. In times like these, I wonder about faith and the fairness of it all. I am not going to get into it on this blog post, but that'll be coming soon.

We love you MawMaw (or Mamom as she preferred sometimes). Please watch over me and my boys. May you get your wings and be granted peace. Please hug my dad for me. You are both missed beyond measure!

Wondering if he sees....

Something about looking at my boys brings me back to my dad. It's been 19 months since I last heard his voice but that day plays in my mind like it was yesterday. At that point you wonder how you will ever move on and continue living--or breathing for that matter. The thought of facing life without my dad--my hero, my biggest supporter, my confidant--was just too much to comprehend. But alas, we have no choice. And like I have told many of my friends, I couldn't take things one day at a time back then, I had to take them one step at a time. I knew that things would never be the same for me, my brother or my mom. In the months after my father died, I not only had to deal with my grief, but also try to make sense of Pawpaw's absence to a very inquisitive three year old who didn't understand the finality in death. Of course, that compounded things for me, but again, one step at a time...so we live, we move, we breathe and we find a new since of normality...

Fast forward to today when I look into the eyes of my two week old and I wonder if my father sees him. As I rock the baby in my arms, I just think of my dad and how I know that he would give anything to hold him and spoil him endlessly. I imagine my dad imparting his knowledge on my sons, encouraging them to move toward success and letting them know that they are destined for greatness.

The faithful part of me wants to know that his spirit is here, that he's watching over us and that, as I told my friends, my sons couldn't have a better guardian angel! Days like today when I want to feel down and sad, that gives me comfort. I am also comforted by the fact that my dad was here. Sound strange? Well, I know that my dad lives through me. I hear him in my words and I see him in my actions. So though physically he has departed, yeah, he's still around...and he's happy...and he's proud of me and proud of these boys. Nothing gave him greater joy than to be called Pawpaw, so I know that he's still proudly wearing that badge!

So dad, we miss you more than words. I commit that my boys will know you and will continue to walk out the legacy you laid the groundwork for. (and tell my Pawpaw we love him too :))