Back At It

...And I don't really know how to feel...So yes, today is day one back at work. It seems like it's been a long and short three+ months at home with my three guys. I never thought I could be the stay-at-home mom type and I still don't, so I guess I am conflicted.

I don't really want to be here. I miss the days when I used to LOVE my job...When I looked forward to coming into the office every day and making an impact...Now, it's more like I go through the motions (still doing a great job along the way) just to get my paycheck. The job is more a means to an end right now rather than something I enjoy doing. So part of me doesn't feel like it's worth it to be away from my baby and being at home doing my best to keep the household in order for all three of my boys. Should I feel guilty about that?

Then the rational side of me tells me that I need to have a paycheck and by being here, I am taking care of them more than anything else. Don't get me wrong--the adult interaction and use of my brain is welcomed, but yeah, I am over it already (SN: I have only been here for 17 minutes...long day ahead). So to get started, this week, I am only here for two days this week and then from there, I will be in the office three days a week. I get a ton done in my limited time, probably more than all my co-workers, so I am not worried about my work suffering...I am more focused on my family.

I am very lucky to have found some wonderful sitters for J when he was younger (thanks Cheryl and Carisa). I can't imagine having the in daycare when they are so young. And I am lucky that baby B is in the capable hands of my friend/hairdresser and her husband while I am away. They have three adorable little girls (ages 7, 4 and 17 months), so they are experts in my book. So if you know me, you know that I can be very Type A, so yeah, we went over to their house over the weekend to put B's set up together. I brought over a pack-and-play and a swing and a plastic tub with all his essentials so that we only have to bring the baby and bottles every day. And yeah, as only I can do, I had my two pages of typed out notes for him as well as a baby journal so they can fill out notes about his day (ie when did he eat and how much? How many soiled diapers? Overall mood, etc). So thankfully they didn't get offended and laughed it off, but yeah, um, I hope they fill it out, LOL.

Okay, so back to this line up of conference calls today...Welcome back to me, right...